Why does the Wi-fi in the Von der Hayden pavillion suck so much? It ruined my attempts to sky rent-a-car agencies in South Africa for my World Cup trip! [3590B]
I’m going to guess it’s a gag reflex brought on by all the students conducting academic research in the von der Heyden.
Why is the moon so far away, even though it appears close when viewed in water; such an irony, considering the discovery of water on the moon; therefore, what is this thing we call love? [3592B]
It’s Only a Paper Moon.
I know it’s Basketball Central around here, but has Duke ever had a good football team? I mean, come on! I’m from Big 10 country, and even Northwestern has a good team now.
“Has Duke ever had a good football team”?!
Let me educate you, son! While Duke hasn’t fielded a consistently great football team since Steve Spurrier coached here in the late 1980s, it was outstanding in the 1930s under Coach Wallace Wade. In fact, the 1938 “Iron Dukes” are one of only three teams ever in college football to finish the regular season undefeated, untied, and unscored upon! That year, the Blue Devils lost the Rose Bowl to Southern Cal 7-3, when the Trojans scored a touchdown in the final minute. Duke Football also had great success throughout the 1950s and 1960s under Coach Bill Murray. Unlike Northwestern, Duke Football has an overall winning percentage over .500.
“Even Northwestern has a good team now”?
Perhaps you’ve forgotten this date in Northwestern football history: September 15, 2007. Duke ended its 22 game losing streak in Evanston, Illinois by beating Northwestern 20-14. Sure, Northwestern had a good season this year: but it’s easy for a quarterback named Kafka to put up big numbers when he’s throwing to The Bucket Rider and Gregor Samsa, with levitating abilities and all those arms, respectively. The future of Duke Football is looking pretty bright under the leadership of Coach David Cutcliffe.
Why do the motion-sensor sinks in the restrooms around here work so poorly? [3586C]
[written in answer space: It’s all part of the water conservation initiative and the idea is that a majority of people will get frustrated enough to resort to antibacterial no-rinse-required spray.]
Interesting theory, Secret Scribbler. But it’s more likely imprecise technology than the administration’s plot to force us to use antibacterial no-rinse-required spray. As evidence I present the fact that, while washing my hands recently and standing a good distance from the Cormatic Automated Touchless Towel Dispenser, that device shot out the prescribed quantity of paper towel. “What the hell,” I exclaimed, at which point the Cormatic responded by dispensing another quantity of paper towel of the exact size.
Dear Answer Person,
I’ve decided to quit the Duke library system – but not the AP site – cold turkey. I have a little money saved, and I’m going to just take a few years off from “working” and instead learn an instrument. Why not retire when I’m young, and work when I’m old? My entire life has been one waste after another so far, sitting in classrooms and learning next to nothing because someone else hopes that I’ll use that sitting to get a job that involves MORE sitting, which will validate their life. Forget it! I’m done! I’m not asking anyone else to support me and if someone doesn’t like it, they can go explore the depths of the PQ4315s. [AP’s comment: the call number belongs to Dante’s Inferno.]
My question to you is, although the above makes perfect sense – a lot MORE sense than killing yourself at a miserable non-job in hopes of retiring in time to take handfuls of NSAIDs and sit around (not that I’m saying that’s the only other choice, but it’s what’s pushed on me) – why will no one else admit that it makes sense?
Your loyal questioner since the 1990s,
JN
First of all, JN, you can’t “quit the Duke Library system cold turkey,” because we’ve got the good stuff!
Second, you have to know you’re not the only person who’s frustrated and dissatisfied with their work life (hilarious title related to your comments and a pretty decent collection of short stories: Irving Welsh’s If you liked school, you’ll love work.”) If you can get by without working, more power to you. If you have to keep working like most of us, try to brighten your work environment by doing something extra nice for your boss. Just the other day, I went into The Perk and bought for my boss a shortbread cookie with light blue frosting that said “Eat Me!” It sure made me feel good to do something nice for my boss. Give it a try.
I can’t get it straight which buttons to button on my suit coat, and now I have pants that have buttons on the back pockets. Am I supposed to keep these unbuttoned or buttoned? Does it matter where I keep my wallet? I don’t want to lose that great job because my butt pockets are not properly fixed. What’s the protocol?
The generally accepted protocol on a three button suit coat is to button the top two buttons, not the bottom. Definitely stick to this protocol if you’re trying to hide a prodigious gut, otherwise you’ll look like a sausage. In general, more formal, button more buttons; less formal, let it flap in the breeze.
It sounds like you’re going for a job interview. In that case, nobody should be checking whether the buttons on your rear pants pockets are fastened. If it is that kind of job, though, follow the lead of the interviewer.
As far as wallets, they should always be kept in the back pocket to avoid confusion and an unseemly bulge in the front pocket. I recommend the Slim Clip (As Seen on TV), the amazing new wallet that holds everything you need. From credit cards to cash, you’ll always find it fast. It’s made from durable stainless steel, is sleek and ultra thin, and fits easily in your pocket, bag, or murse. And, from what I understand, you can’t damage it even if you grind it up in your blender.
Good luck on your interview!
What is the largest lemur? [3592A]
Along with the Indri, the Diademed Sifaka is the largest of the living lemurs. There used to be many more large species (some as large as a small female gorilla), but they’ve become extinct with exposure to man (way to go, man!). With arms fully extended, the Indri can reach nearly 4 feet in length and can weigh nearly 30 pounds.
The largest known lemur in the United States was a Sifaka named Mac, who lived on a farm outside of Libertyville, Illinois. When he died from heart failure in 2005, Mac weighed an incredible 45 pounds. He’d been trained to play a small cello, but in his last years did little more than slouch in a bean bag chair and eat Cap’n Crunch right out of the box.
Why not rent out blankets in Perkins? (washed after use) [3582B]
[written in answer space: Small pox (germ warfare…uncool)]
I concur that germ warfare is uncool, but that’s not the reason, Secret Scribbler. Renting out blankets really isn’t our raison d’être. The nearest I can come to fulfilling your request is to recommend the following texts from our collection:
- On the blanket: the inside story of the IRA prisoners’ “dirty” protest, by Tim Pat Coogan
- Hot water music, by Charles Bukowski
- Somewhere during the spin cycle: poems, by Joseph Mills
Why not have massage chairs at Wilson and/or Brodie? [3579B]
I-I-I-I ca-a-a-a-an’t thi-i-i-i-i-ink of a-a-a-a-a rea-ea-ea-ea-eason.
Hi Answer Person,
I see there is a video virtual tour and audio walking tour for Perkins & Bostock Libraries and I’m wondering if there is something similar for a campus tour…
Thanks!
There are several virtual tours at the Duke University Admissions web site.