I see a sinister motive in the new sofa designs. It is meant to stop us from sprawling out and taking a well deserved nap. What happened to that really great, super comfortable big red couch that used to be in the foyer?

The best-kept secret of Perkins is the very comfortable sofa outside the basement men’s room! The quietest place to read and nobody uses it!

Ans.: Thanks for your generosity in sharing the location. Be prepared to stand in line to use it.

Put back the green chairs on the 4th floor. I do not understand why they were replaced by tables and chairs.

Hurry up w/ the squishy chairs back on 4th floor wouldya?

Put back the green chairs on the 4th floor & the basement!

You must put the orange chairs back on the 2nd floor stacks. Please. Many people

About the orange chairs, it is conducive to work, to have different studying environment. One of those is a more relaxed atmosphere. Please put them back.

They don’t even have to be orange.

We don’t like your attitude, if you haven’t already noticed. It’s the chairs or library chaos!

Put the large, comfy chairs back on the 2nd floor stacks.

Look, you thought you’d gotten rid of us but no, we’re back. We want those orange chairs back. And if we don’t get some action soon, we’re going to the top! Did Mao give up? Did Lenin give up? You think the Sandinistas are gonna lie down and die? No, we’ll never give up. Viva the Revolution.

Put the orange chairs back in the 2nd floor stacks. Now! Do you have any figures on the kill/wounded ratio in the Gummi Chair War of November and December?

Ans.: Score: Upholsterers 0, Gummi terrorists 13. President Reagan is seeking aid for the Upholsterers. Most recently he advised Congress not to sit on his request too long. Rumor has it that the President’s aid package includes a gross of whoopee cushions.

We have formed a small cadre of highly skilled terrorists and will issue an ultimatum within three days unless the 2 other squishy chairs on the 2nd floor are returned to their rightful resting place…

Ans.: Categorically, Perkins denies any involvement, indirect or otherwise, in the dislocation of said chairs. This is the work of alien forces, we emphasize alien, and Perkins partisans are presently on red alert to locate and punish the perpetrators. We may even look in the storage rooms to see if some latent interior designer hasn’t stashed them once again for re-upholstering.

Oh and by the way, I seem to remember a promise that the squishy chairs would be returned after upholstery. Where pray tell were they sent. The only way a small, poor, agrarian force can defeat a large, well-equipped repressive totalitarian government is through guerrilla or terrorist warfare. Viva la revolution.

Ans.: Heaven forbid they’ve actually been sent out. They’ll probably come back in muted cut velvet instead of terrorist day-glo orange.

The masses are on our side. Return the squishy chairs!

Ans.: Realizing what befell Marie Antoinette after her famous riposte, we’re making every effort, halfhearted and otherwise, to return the chairs.

Return the squishy chairs ….BBBB!

Ans.: Perkins partisans (a band of nihilistic urban guerrillas) has allied with the Library’s committee on Funky Furniture in the search for those chairs. While the rhetoric remains terse, movement towards a solution may be in the making. Nevertheless, the local chapter of Disdainful Interior Designers is staging a rally on the Quad.

For some reason, the people won’t be heard. So let’s make it easier. BIG SQUISHY CHAIRS

Big squishy chairs. Big squishy chairs. Big squishy chairs.

Ans.: Reporters from the National Enquirer arrived on campus this weekend to help us in our hunt for these chairs. They are convinced that extra-terrestrials are behind this. It appears the presence of NE reporters produced the desired results – the chairs are back. There is nothing substantial to the rumor that these chairs camouflage alien beings; likely the dozen or so missing students are stuck in traffic somewhere on the Garden State Expressway.


Ans.: Arghhh!

More orange squishy chairs in 2nd level.

Ans.: There are also green and yellow ones there.

I don’t want to gloat but you got pretty scared when we threatened terrorism, didn’t you.

Ans.: The clinchers were the alien werewolves. Talk about out-of-body experiences and poltergeists, this was real weird.

The library, by returning the squishy chairs to their rightful resting place has proved itself to be the only part of Duke which listens to students’ wishes and acts upon them. Long live the library!– now how about dem big beers, huh?

Fine. You put the squishy chairs back. But now, I go to the 2nd floor and find them all taken — by people who didn’t fight for them. Screw this public good argument. I say that the chairs ought to be reserved for the people (and we know you know who we are) who fought to have them returned. OK, the 2 chairs which weren’t removed can stay on a first come-first seat basis — we will assume they are the “natural population.” But I say the others be reserved for those who are directly responsible for their return. TO THE VICTORS GO THE SPOILS (I say.)

Ans.: Squishy chair veterans! Come to the Circulation Desk for your day-glo orange military ribbon mounted on a tuft of polyurethane. This signifies your service on behalf of Duke students, present and future, and signals non-combatants to de—- the area in your presence.

Call this victor reparation, simply the dictatorship of the squishy chair winners.

Ans.: The masses are with you; it’s the price of success.

Solve all your problems — add more squishy comfy chairs — please!

We would like to beg/implore/grovel/demand that all vinyl seats in the library be changed to cloth ones. Why? Picture the pretty scenario — you’re fidgeting in your seat, & suddenly it emits an embarrassing noise. You know you’re not farting, but everyone is staring at you. Consequently, you are trapped in a vicious cycle of constantly moving around in the chair so people know that the chair is making noise, not you. I ask: how are we supposed to get an education if we must spend hours squirming around in our seats ?????

The chairs in Perkins 421 need to be oiled — they squeak. I have a seminar and it was very annoying. Thank you for your help.

Ans.: Thank you; we’ll see what can be done to eliminate the noise.