Button this!

I can’t get it straight which buttons to button on my suit coat, and now I have pants that have buttons on the back pockets.  Am I supposed to keep these unbuttoned or buttoned?  Does it matter where I keep my wallet?  I don’t want to lose that great job because my butt pockets are not properly fixed.  What’s the protocol?

The generally accepted protocol on a three button suit coat is to button the top two buttons, not the bottom.  Definitely stick to this protocol if you’re trying to hide a prodigious gut, otherwise you’ll look like a sausage.  In general, more formal, button more buttons; less formal, let it flap in the breeze.

It sounds like you’re going for a job interview.  In that case, nobody should be checking whether the buttons on your rear pants pockets are fastened.  If it is that kind of job, though, follow the lead of the interviewer.

As far as wallets, they should always be kept in the back pocket to avoid confusion and an unseemly bulge in the front pocket.  I recommend the Slim Clip (As Seen on TV), the amazing new wallet that holds everything you need.  From credit cards to cash, you’ll always find it fast.  It’s made from durable stainless steel, is sleek and ultra thin, and fits easily in your pocket, bag, or murse.  And, from what I understand, you can’t damage it even if you grind it up in your blender.

Good luck on your interview!