I get emails for the “Penis Patch” everyday. Why am I getting these and how can I get rid of them?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: You are getting them because you make a mistake typical of computer users around the world: you use email.

Getting rid of them is easy–just use the email delete function (preferably without opening the messages). Keeping them from appearing is more difficult, and depends on the email you are using. (See, for example, OIT’s suggestions at http://www.oit.duke.edu/security/education.html.)

What are the best cookies you have ever had? Do you think my cookes are better?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: The best: chocolate/butterscotch chip cookies.

As to yours? Answer Person hasn’t seen them. You need to work on that.

Answer Person, what can I do to get your job? I think that being an Answer person could be my life’s aspiration, how can I achieve my goal?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: 1. Lead a pure and virtuous life.
2. Learn all things.
3. Obtain work in Perkins Library.
4. Practice writing responses to inquiries.
5. Pray that omniscient Answer Person is not also immortal.

When someone has been awarded an honorary doctorate, what is their title (assuming they have no other graduate degrees)? Do you call them “Dr.”?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: The answer is that you call them what they prefer. There are no hard and fast rules on the honorary doctorate. It is, after all, and unearned degree (in the academic sense), given as an honorific, too often for reasons that have little to do with academia. So is it proper to infer academic distinction on one who has not earned it? On the other hand, it is an honorific, which has been earned, and may be acknowledged. Most often, the decision is left to the preference of the recipients.

It seems to me that Instant Run-Off voting is a win-win situation. Do you agree? Think about it: You vote for a candidate and mark down your second and third choice candidates if the first (and second) one doesn’t get elected. If no one wins the first round with fifty per cent of the vote, then all the second (or third) choices are added and the winner is then decided. This way, we get to vote for our first choice candidate and ensure that we get a politician who has been trying to appeal to most of the voters, not just some of them. And it all happens with just a few simple modifications to the current plurality system! Talk about a good investment, eh?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: Oh, what a headache these voting questions are giving Answer Person! Haven’t we learned anything from Florida in 2000 and California this year? Yes, there is something to be said for a more efficient process that doesn’t stretch out the balloting more than necessary. But do you really want to add more confusion to those already confused, and more decision-making responsibility for those who are already reluctant to make the effort to vote in the first place? Now if you can propose a more effective and HONEST campaign process, AP will be very grateful.

How does insurance work for stolen cars? Do they give you only the value of the car, or do the compensate for your need to buy a new car?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: Most insurance compensates for the value of the car at the time it is stolen, usually less the deductible. It is possible to get replacement cost insurance for a lot of things, but that varies with companies, state laws . . . and it costs a lot more. All in all, not the best way to update your wheels.

What is the most valuable book in the Duke library and how much is it worth?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: The most valuable book is not necessarily measured in dollars, for its worth may be less in market value to sellers and collectors (and then the book is only worth what people will pay for it) than to scholars and others who treasure its cultural impact. One could easily point to the original Audubon’s in the Rare Book Room, for example, as among those that might fetch the highest prices on the auction market, and we are proud of them, but there are many, many others that could be argued to be more valuable to our historical and continuing cultural heritage.

This is, after all, a library, not a bookstore.

Answer Person, what should I do with my life? Isn’t there some sort of survey that might point me along the way?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: There are a lot of aptitude tests out there, but there is no easy quiz for deciding your life direction. You, like the issue at hand, are a complicated and many layered person, so you may have to work hard at this, and in different ways. A great place to start is at CAPS (214 Page Building, 660-1000, http://caps.studentaffairs.duke.edu/), where they have the people and the tools and the dedication to help you on this phase of your life’s journey.

[If you are not part of the Duke community, there are other university and community resources like CAPS all around the country.]

Believe it or not, Answer Person also faced this same crisis. At one time I thought I was destined to always be a Question Person, but eventually I found my true way!

And keep in mind that whatever you decide as your life’s direction, it will likely change at various times in the coming years. You change, your relationships change, your environment changes–that’s what makes life fun, challenging and interesting.

Bon voyage!

What’s the best way to cook a turkey and keep the breast moist?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: There are a lot of approaches to this problem: hand cream, body wraps, sunshades, oven sprinkling systems, etc. For those interested in edible solutions, however, some advocate NOT putting stuffing in the turkey while cooking–it draws moisture from the breast. Other ideas: basting often, covering the breast with foil while cooking, and, most importantly, don’t overcook!