Category Archives: Relationships

Relationships

Caught in an eddy

When I read through the archives of the AP book I feel so low.  People actually think about things.  And here I am at the beginning of another yearly, yearly worsening, period of severe depression that always comes with my requited-but-rejected-anyway love anniversary no matter how little think about it.  All these people that once wrote in the AP book have kids and families and things now, and I’m still at the AP book.  Or website.  I mean, a student who wrote a question in 1993 would be in their late thirties now.

Why is it so hard, often almost nauseating, to be unable to participate in life, and have to watch it pass anyway?

That’s a question that’s impossible for me to answer. Vonnegut believed that loneliness is the most terrible disease facing society, and I agree.

I truly empathize with the pain you continue to feel from a failed love, and can’t encourage you strongly enough to speak with a mental health professional. They should be able provide guidance and, at the very least, help you jettison misconceptions like everyone who wrote in the AP book years ago is happily married with children.

Be well, my friend.

Duke, Lobby Book, Relationships

Getting married in Duke Chapel

When should you sign up to get married in the Chapel? (average waiting list time?) [3568C]

Great question. Duke Chapel has a wonderful series of web pages about getting married in the Chapel.  In addition to checking out these pages, you should address any questions related to getting married at Duke Chapel, including the average waiting list time, to Mrs. Mollie Keel, Duke Chapel Wedding Coordinator, at:

Box 90974
Durham, NC 27708-0974
mollie.keel@duke.edu
919.684.8150

Lobby Book, Relationships

Complicated relationship

Why would a close friend stop talking to you for a long period of time, act abrasive, then give a heartfelt apology (or at least what seems like one) and tell you that you’re a good friend and that they love you only so they can start ignoring you once again?  Does it make the friendship more complicated if one of the friends is a guy and the other is a girl? [3563A]

If this person is acting this way, I’m wondering if you’re really as close as you think you are. Your question about gender-related complications makes me think there’s more to this story. Roller coasters always make me dizzy, so I avoid them.

Lobby Book, Relationships

The best answer: have tons of fun

What should you do if someone you once were friends with now ignores you when you walk by? [3561C]

I’d probably move on and, even better, let the person see you having tons of fun with other people.  Honestly, don’t give this former friend the satisfaction of knowing you’re thinking about it even.  Obsessing can become terribly self-destructive.  Remember what G Love says: if you’re hatin’ then you sure aint livin’.

Lobby Book, Relationships

Clueless in Durham

How do I tell a friend to stop bugging a girl who isn’t interested?  He thinks it’s romantic to “be patient” but she hates it.  It’s been over a year! [3563C]

Incredible that he could be that obtuse after an entire year.  Hearing it from a friend (you) might not be sufficient to crack this thick’s nut.  Perhaps the focus of his attention should find a nice but direct way to tell him “no thanks.”

Duke, Lobby Book, Relationships

Improving social skills

Some of the bus drivers need help in personal social skills.  What do you think they can do to help them with a better work environment or relationship? [3560A]

[written in answer space:  If it is the crazy lady from the C-2 then you should buy her an Arizona tea, it worked for me.]

Interesting question, which would be better served if your initial statement contained some specifics.  Many people in our society “need help in personal social skills,” including bus drivers and college students.  I’ve had great experiences with the bus drivers on campus and am grateful they’re here working for us.  This weekend, while walking on Campus Drive, I saw a driver pull over between stops to offer a ride to a student walking over to East Campus, a wonderfully thoughtful gesture.

I love the sentiment of the scribbler above.  Remember, as a bus rider, you’re part of their work environment too.