What should I do for my special lady for Valentine’s Day? Any gift ideas?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: Flowers. Chocolates. Back massage. Foot massage. Lingerie. Music CD. Tickets to the Duke Women’s Basketball game at UNC (6 PM at the Dean Dome). A Book. Perfume. Satin/silk sheets. Dinner at a great restaurant. Take her to or rent a movie (chick flick!). Jewelry. Have a star named after her. Write a poem. Create a work of art. Cook a fantastic dinner.

Tell her how special she is. Repeatedly. In different ways.

I have just received a trampoline as a hand-me-down gift. I am delighted about the gift, but don’t know how to get it from my friend’s house to mine? It is big, I think too big for a pickup truck. Any suggestions?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: Is it a round trampoline? If so, rolling is an option. How far do you have to move it?
Also, think of this in terms of initial acquisition. How did it get to your friend’s house? If it wasn’t a big truck (rental is also an option, as is getting in touch with a local sporting goods company that sells them), it probably came unassembled.
So, taking apart the problem, Answer Person suggests you take apart the trampoline. Could be a difficult, frustrating process, but you can take those feelings out on the finished product.

How do airlines price tickets? My question comes from the following example. A round trip ticket on American Airlines’ direct flight from RDU to London Gatwick is more expensive than a round trip ticket on American Airlines from RDU to Rome that goes through London Gatwick. This includes EXACTLY the same airplanes from RDU to London. How is it possible that the flight to Rome, which includes two additional flights, is less expensive?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: Answer Person went to the American Airlines website and tested your theory–actually was able to “schedule” flights (wishing AP could really take them) one-way and roundtrip, RDU to Gatwick and RDU to Rome via Gatwick. In both cases the shorter flights were cheaper, not more expensive, so you might want to try again, or try another way of booking.

As to your bigger question, how airlines price their tickets, well that has long been a mystery to many. The typical story is that if you take any group of people sitting together on the same flights, going from and to the same places, chances are they all paid different prices for their seats. American didn’t make it any easier in this test case, because you have to go through several stages to get comparative pricing on different scheduling options. Even worse, although there were flights that went to Italy via Gatwick, using American operated by British Airways for the second leg, there WEREN’T ANY going through Gatwick on the return to the Tarheel State!

As if Homeland Security hadn’t made air travel difficult enough! AP has got a headache, and is just going to lie down and watch the Travel Channel.

There currently is a popular rap song with the lyric “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.” What is a milkshake? What does it mean in this context?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: Milkshake (for the hungry masses): A delightful (i.e., prohibited by many diets) beverage typically blending (literally) milk and ice cream.

In the rap song context: While the obvious allusions are to the northern and southern hemispheres of T&A, according Kelis, in an AP interview published in various sources last December and January, “A milkshake is the thing that makes women special. It’s what gives us our confidence and what makes us exciting.” Now you know(!?!).

Why is chardonnay the most popular (most widely available) varietel of white wine? Is it the ease of growing the chardonnay grape? Is there actually significantly more demand for chardonnay than other white wines?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: Wine drinkers often have no idea of the best wines, and have a very difficult time telling them apart. They are, however, very concerned about image. Chardonnay has the virtue of being a very classy sounding name, while being exceptionally easy for the French-language-challenged to pronounce. Ultimately, who cares? They will be happy–especially by the time they get to the bottom of the carafe. (BTW, chardonnay is also easy to produce, in different climates, comes in a variety of styles, and goes well with so many foods.)

I get emails for the “Penis Patch” everyday. Why am I getting these and how can I get rid of them?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: You are getting them because you make a mistake typical of computer users around the world: you use email.

Getting rid of them is easy–just use the email delete function (preferably without opening the messages). Keeping them from appearing is more difficult, and depends on the email you are using. (See, for example, OIT’s suggestions at http://www.oit.duke.edu/security/education.html.)

What are the best cookies you have ever had? Do you think my cookes are better?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: The best: chocolate/butterscotch chip cookies.

As to yours? Answer Person hasn’t seen them. You need to work on that.

Answer Person, what can I do to get your job? I think that being an Answer person could be my life’s aspiration, how can I achieve my goal?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: 1. Lead a pure and virtuous life.
2. Learn all things.
3. Obtain work in Perkins Library.
4. Practice writing responses to inquiries.
5. Pray that omniscient Answer Person is not also immortal.

When someone has been awarded an honorary doctorate, what is their title (assuming they have no other graduate degrees)? Do you call them “Dr.”?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: The answer is that you call them what they prefer. There are no hard and fast rules on the honorary doctorate. It is, after all, and unearned degree (in the academic sense), given as an honorific, too often for reasons that have little to do with academia. So is it proper to infer academic distinction on one who has not earned it? On the other hand, it is an honorific, which has been earned, and may be acknowledged. Most often, the decision is left to the preference of the recipients.

It seems to me that Instant Run-Off voting is a win-win situation. Do you agree? Think about it: You vote for a candidate and mark down your second and third choice candidates if the first (and second) one doesn’t get elected. If no one wins the first round with fifty per cent of the vote, then all the second (or third) choices are added and the winner is then decided. This way, we get to vote for our first choice candidate and ensure that we get a politician who has been trying to appeal to most of the voters, not just some of them. And it all happens with just a few simple modifications to the current plurality system! Talk about a good investment, eh?

ANSWER PERSON RESPONDS: Oh, what a headache these voting questions are giving Answer Person! Haven’t we learned anything from Florida in 2000 and California this year? Yes, there is something to be said for a more efficient process that doesn’t stretch out the balloting more than necessary. But do you really want to add more confusion to those already confused, and more decision-making responsibility for those who are already reluctant to make the effort to vote in the first place? Now if you can propose a more effective and HONEST campaign process, AP will be very grateful.