Fascinating Finds in the Stacks: Social Rules for Proper Ladies

While working on preparing print materials for the Rubenstein Library’s upcoming move, I came across a few books on American women’s etiquette. I glanced inside and found rules, rules, and more rules! Although the publication dates range from 1873-1924, the authors seemed to agree on specific social laws of conduct. For instance, one must never shout hello to an acquaintance across the street (“a certain sign of vulgarity”), and a lady should never have a man on each arm or vice versa (apparently, this is only done in Ireland). One of the books decreed never to join in a dance unless you skillfully know the steps. Otherwise, one will “bring disorder into the midst of pleasure!”

Books on etiquette for American women

Decorum: a practical treatise on etiquette and dress of the best American society, written in 1881 by John Ruth.

"A lady should never take the arms of two men, one being upon either side, nor should a man carry a woman upon each arm. The latter of these iniquities is practiced only in Ireland; the former perhaps in Kamtskatcha."

"Never hazard taking part in a quadrille, unless you know how to dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure."

These social rules were listed under headings describing every instance of everyday life imaginable- dressing, eating, visiting relatives or friends, attending church, weddings, traveling, even how to not hurt a person’s feelings. It was very interesting to see how vastly different American society and culture were 100 years ago. We have our rules as well (whether followed or not), but nothing like these prim guidelines.

Cullen Cornett is a Holdings Management Assistant in Rubenstein Technical Services.