Impressing an English major

What should I read to impress an English major (male)? [3572B]

Good gracious!  Why would you want to do that?  Because if you impress him, you might marry him after graduation.  He’d hang around the fringes of academia until he became a librarian, inevitably committing the two of you to a life of penury.  But if you really can’t help yourself, being seen in the von der Heyden Pavilion with an open copy Finnegans Wake should do the trick. Believe me, he won’t understand it anymore than you do.