Sleep

Who decided to put ether in the ventilation system to make everyone fall asleep — a desperate pre-med student? Ans.: This is Perkins’ fund raising ploy #33. While comatose, student wallets are taxed 10% for the book budget.

zzz

Please replace or talk to the couch in the men’s bathroom (B-level). Every time I walk in, the damn thing won’t stop calling my name until I lie down and sleep on it. This is beginning to be a problem because I am beginning to be afraid to go to the bathroom (which could be a bigger problem). Help!?!

Ans.: The Bursar’s Office has a surprise for you!. That couch rents for a dollar an hour, seated, and 2 dollars an hour, prone. Thank you for your generous, even if indirect, contribution to the Library’s book budget.

zzz

Why not equip some of the carrels with beds? I snooze back there a lot, so do a lot of people. It would be great!

Ans.: The library has a commitment to the “agony of research” theory espoused by some of the faculty. Getting a cramped neck or injuries from sliding onto the concrete from sleeping at one’s post are meant to make you a better scholar.

zzz

Can we have bunk beds installed in the stacks so we can stay there constantly?

Ans.: Be creative — a hammock is easily carried and can be rigged up nicely in the stacks.

zzz

What happens to those who get locked in the library late at night? Who lets them out? What type of people put themselves in this predicament? Have you ever met them?

Ans.: Public Safety is called, usually, by the Housekeeping staff to deal with locked in readers. Why get locked in? Some are absentminded, others are fulfilling their graduation requirements to study naked, etc. in Perkins and a few are vandals.

zzz

How do you know people don’t camp out in the library after midnite? I personally have brought my flashlight & pillow a couple of times.

Ans.: Looks like it’s time for a heart-to-heart talk with Heinz and Schlupferl, the Library’s Dobermans, about their diet and purpose.

zzz

The picture in the circulation department. What a piece of art work!! Where did you get it? Did you rip it off a motel room?

Ans.: Your droll review suggests disenchantment. Actually, we got it at a Starving Artist Fair at the local Ramada Inn.

A lot of people seem to rest in the library. Would it not be possible to provide beds, or barring that due to obvious other uses, chairs with reclining backs. Thank you.

Ans.: If we made these reclining chairs coin-operated, the service could be a money-maker. A spin-off benefit would come from ticket sales for people to watch sleeping students being flung into the air when the meter runs out.

 

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